


Shit Happens

by TeaSylph



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crushes, Dimension Travel, Endgame - James Potter/Lily Potter, Eventual Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Existential Crisis, F/M, Fluff, Genderbending, Het, Humor, James Potter/Lily Evans - Freeform, Light Angst, M/M, Marauders' Era, OCs as Canon Characters, Puppy Love, Slash, kids being kids, slight Regulus Black/Lily Evans, teenagers being teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-09-18 02:39:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9362540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaSylph/pseuds/TeaSylph
Summary: "Where in the name of hell are we?""Well, I do believe the people call this a 'train' ""Shut up."Hogwarts, a dream of many children around the globe. Magical and beautiful -the dream school.Yeah, no. Screw that. Marauders, mayhem, classes and existential crises galore - Welcome to Hogwarts!It was a train ride to the city, but it turned into so much more.OC-fic/Wolfstar/Canon Divergence





	1. Alice

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Greetings, so this is a fic, co-written by myself (TeaSylph) and acourtofthorneandrhysand. We're friends and we're both really excited to be collaborating on our shared obsession (Harry Potter.) We're taking turns in writing chapters, which is why the writing style changes from chapter to chapters. The first chapter's written by acourtofthorneandrhysand and it's in the POV of her OC, which makes the differing writing style in the next chapter make more sense. Well, enough from me- onwards, dear reader! To the plot!

Admittedly, going into the city alone without telling our parents probably wasn't a good idea. But when Asmitta had pitched the idea to me, ending with nothing more than, 'We shall finally be rebellious!' I couldn't help but hope we'd go on a great big adventure. But then we'd arrived at the train station, and as we sat down on the train, I realised that nothing interesting was going to happen.

After maybe 20 minutes of jokes and commentary, we reached a tunnel.

'If this was a YA novel,' I said to Asmitta, 'About halfway through this tunnel, we'd suddenly stop, and a bomb will go off.'

'Don't be silly, Alice,' Asmitta replied, 'The train wouldn't stop, I'd see a flash out of the corner of my eye, we'd both black out, and when we woke up, we'd be who knows where.'

'Or-Or the train would stop, the lights would go out, and when we got out of the tunnel, everyone on the surface would be dead.'

We sat there like that, swapping ideas until the end of the tunnel. As it approached I cried out in horror. 'NOOO! NO, WE MUST BECOME A YA NOVEL, WE MUST!'

'Shut up Alice.'

'But...' And then came the bright flash, out of the corner of my eye.

~~~

'Where, in the name of hell, are we?' Asmitta asked, looking around.

I rubbed my eyes and looked around to discover that we were now in what appeared to be an old fashioned train compartment. Looking out the window, I saw rolling hills and open land for miles.

'Well, I do believe the people call this a 'train' ' I finally responded.

'Shut up.'

'No, but seriously, I think that we're in, like another country.'

'What on Earth makes you think that?'

'Have  _you_ seen this kind of landscape in Australia?'

'Well, no but-'

'And you mean to tell me that there is anywhere in Aus that looks like this?'

'No, but- Hey wait a minute, you've got a British accent!'

'For the thousandth time I'm not Brit- Wait a minute, you've got one too!'

We might have continued freaking out like this had it not been for the fact that someone slid the carriage door open. 

'Oh, sorry 'bout that, I didn't think anyone was in this carriage.'

A boy stood at the door to our compartment, looking like he could punch someone and flirt with every female on the planet simultaneously.

'No, no, it's fine,' Asmitta reassured him.

'I'll just go, - I'm Sirius, by the way'

As soon as the door closed, I screamed. Asmitta just looked at me like I was mad.

'Old fashioned train, rolling countryside, British accents, flirty looking boy named Sirius, isn't it obvious now where we are Asmitta?' I asked her.

'No, where?'

'THE HOGWARTS EXPRESS! Quick, check for suitcases with robes and wands, we've got some work to do.'

'You mean- but- I- HOGWARTS?!? Really?"

And so we set to work searching the compartment for our bags and wands.

'FOUND THEM!' cried Asmitta, holding up two suitcases triumphantly. I dived at them, knocking her down, taking the bags with me.

'Wait a minute!' yelled Asmitta, 'How are we even here? This is a different country, a different timeline, and, as much as I hate to say it, a different universe.'

'Don't question it,' I responded, 'Even if this is just a dream, I don't want to wake up.'

'Uh, sure. This isn't going to end well, but robes, I guess?" said Asmitta hesitantly. And with that, I knew it was going to be a good year.


	2. Asmitta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter's written by TeaSylph

Oh my, this would not end well.  
Alice is being borderline delusional again. Really? The Hogwarts Express? Either, I'm in a coma and dreaming this up as some sort of wish-fulfilment fantasy, or we've both been kidnapped. I looked at the happy smile on Alice's face, could I really burst her bubble like that? 

"Asmitta, look! I found my wand!" 

I watched as she brandished her 'wand,' coming dangerously close to poking my eye out. Could I really take that joy away from her?  
Yes. Yes I could.

"Alice..." I trailed off hesitantly, "I don't know how to say this, but I really don't think we're on the Hogwarts Express."

"What? Where else could we be then?"

"Oh, I don't know- we could be kidnapped, we could be in a coma, we could have been drugged- goddammit, this could be a dream for all we know!" My voice getting more frenzied by the minute. "You don't just travel across dimensions, Alice! How in the name of science would that even happen?"

Alice sighed, "Honestly, Asmitta- haven't you heard of wormholes? As a sci-fi fan, I am very disappointed in you."

I stared at Alice incredulously, my eye twitched. "Yes, wormholes could be an explanation, IF WE WERE IN SPACE." I sank down onto the weathered seat of the carriage, resting my head on the window. 

The carriage door slid open again, a plump, smiling lady pushing a trolley stood outside, "Anything off the trolley, dears?"

What. No, no, no. This is just a coincidence, a weird ass parallel- it does not mean we're on the Hogwarts Express. Alice rummaged through her trunk pulling out a small purse. Opening it, she took out a golden coin, "Yes, two chocolate frogs please." 

The woman handed her 2 boxed chocolates, "That'll be 40 sickles, dear."

As the exchange of money and chocolate was happening, I glared at the wooden panels of the floor. Nope, this was ridiculous. This was not happening. Alice tossed me a box, and I held it gingerly, treating it like it was a ticking time bomb. Alice, had no such reservations.

"What? Are you waiting for an invitation?" She tore open the box. 

Oh shit. The frog leapt out. A chocolate frog jumped out of the box. It whizzed around the compartment, while Alice tried to catch it. 

"Told you, we were on the Hogwarts Express!" She exclaimed, still trying to catch the frog.

Nope. Nope, Noppity nope. We travelled dimensions, went back through time, got ourselves de-aged and we ended up in the bloody Harry Potter universe. And I found out through magical confectionery. Yup, nothing like magical candy to really drive home the fact that you were in another fucking dimension. I buried my face in my hands, letting out a hysterical laugh. 

"This is great- absolutely fantastic." I kept laughing, until I ran out of breath.

Concerned, Alice said, "Now, I understand that you're shocked- who wouldn't be? But we won't be able to do anything about this situation, until you calm down."  
I took a deep breath. She was right. Weirdly accepting of this situation - but right. Besides, dealing with Alice was always easier if you went along with her. 

Clapping my hands together, I said "Alrighty, then. I'm calm now, but what are we going to do?" I tapped my fingers, "We don't even know our names, in this dimension."

Alice frowned, "True, but considering that we have trunks and robes, we have to be Hogwarts students." She froze, "Wait. Since Sirius was here, does this mean we get to be Marauders?"

My eyes widened. If we were Hogwarts students, then that would mean a full 7 years of magic, Marauders, and- oh my god. We have to deal with Voldemort.

"Fuck this."


	3. Alice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So I’m acourtofthorneandrhysand, and I’d firstly like to say sorry for how long this took. School’s been really intense, but hopefully we’ll be able to update a fair bit over the next two weeks. Thank you to those of you who read this, your support means the world to us.

I have no regrets. None. Except maybe totally ignoring Asmitta when she told me to not start talking to everyone. So yeah, I might have _accidentally_ said hi to Frank Longbottom by name, at which point Asmitta grabbed me by the arm and dragged me away.

‘Please don’t get us caught’ she said, ‘If this is real, we don’t want anyone to know we know what happens, and if this isn’t, then I want it to last for as long as possible.’

‘Wait, you still believe this is real though, right?’ I asked

‘Yeah’

‘Okay cool. So anyway-‘

I was cut off by the gruff voice of Hagrid calling over the first years. As we gathered around the half-giant, I heard gasps from the people around us, whispering to each other about the man’s height. As we were led off to the lake, me and Asmitta trailed behind, thoroughly freaking out, our previous conversation long forgotten.

The boat ride across the lake was glorious, and I swear I saw the giant squid, although Asmitta told me it was a myth. I was about to argue that Colin Creevey saw it on his boat ride, when we arrived at the shore, and suddenly I noticed the castle.

It was huge and glorious, and there was only one thing that arriving could mean. I turned to Asmitta.

‘We’re going to get sorted!’ I squealed

Asmitta just rolled her eyes.

‘Don’t look so excited,’ she said, ‘for all we know, sorting involves fighting a troll.’

I chuckled as we were led inside, and Professor McGonagall came over to try and calm us down. Needless to say, she failed. In fact, I think I heard James Potter call her Minnie at some point. The noise eventually lulled to a quiet chatter, and I began to look around us. It seemed that James and Sirius had already become friends, however Peter seemed to be talking to someone else, and Remus was nowhere to be seen.

I turned back to Asmitta, who too was looking across the crowd. She turned around to me, pointed someone out, and we began a game of working out who people were. It was harder than you’d think, no one looked quite familiar enough to us to click immediately. That is, until we saw Snape. Because oh my gods he looks exactly like you’d think. And then we noticed. He wasn’t with Lily. He wasn’t with anyone, really. The future Slytherins were ignoring him, and no one else wanted to talk to him. I pointed it out to Asmitta, who scoffed.

‘She’s probably realised what a horrible person he is, and good for her’

‘As much as that makes sense,’ I replied, ‘I can’t see Lily anywhere. You don’t think in this universe she didn’t come to Hogwarts, do you?’

‘Don’t be ridiculous. There’s loads of kids here, you probably just didn’t see her’

‘I guess’

I would have said more, but Professor McGonagall shushed us, and led us to the doors of The Great Hall. Me and Asmitta squealed, we were finally getting sorted.


	4. Dimensional Displacements and Sorting Hats

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: ahh I'm so sorry this took so long, chronic procrastinating strikes again. - Teasylph

**Asmitta POV:**

While the kids were getting called up to be sorted, I busied myself by scanning the Great Hall. Jesus fuck, I can still barely believe that we're in the _Great Hall._

I was scanning the crowd of first years waiting to be sorted, there were a lot of unknowns and  _oh my god_  the Marauders. Or yet to be Marauders anyway. Well, it was technically three quarters of the Marauders, minus Moony. Speaking of, where the fuck was Moony?

Ah well, maybe I just couldn’t recognise him.

Sirius was cute for an eleven-year-old, and weirdly brooding. Jeez, the kid looked like he was _deep_ into his emo phase. I thought those were meant to happen when you were thirteen? Was that a hint of a side fringe, I see? A special child, he is. Damn. And Pettigrew.

He… He… he was a very average looking kid. Watery eyes, straw blonde hair, chubby cheeks and pretty short. Not as short as me though. Damn it. I hated him already.

My thoughts screeched to a stop. Holy fuck. If _Sirius_ made a cute eleven-year-old, then James was the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen. Messy black hair and mischievous brown eyes – messy hair and big eyes are honestly the cutest thing in any kid. Hmm, where was Lily though? I bet she’d be adorable too. James yawned.

Awwww. I wanna pinch his cheeks. I wanna pinch _all_ of their cheeks. Kids are adorable until they start talking.

_“Bertram Aubrey”_

Oh jeez, I missed the singing hat. How the hell did I miss the singing hat?

The Sorting Hat was as old and weathered as you’d expect it to be. McGonagall placed the hat on the boy’s head, it seemed to mutter to itself for a moment before opening it’s brim.

 “ _RAVENCLAW!”_

The boy got off the stool with a nervous smile and shuffled towards the cheering Ravenclaw table.

Aw crap. That reminds me- who said we were ever actually on the roll? We legit just appeared on the fucking train. There is literally _no_ indication whatsoever that we would be on that list. And even if we were, what’s to say that we even have the same names?

Jesus Christ, this was turning out to be more of a clusterfuck than I imagined. _Wait._ Maybe there was a way to find out.

“Alice!”

“What?” she replied, still gawking at the sights around her.

“Do you still have that purse?” I asked urgently

She nodded “Yeah, why?”

“I need to see it. Like now.” I clutched her arm.

She looked at me confused, before shaking my hand off and reaching inside her robes. She handed me the purse with a bemused expression on her face. 

“Asmitta, what the hell are you on right now?”

Ignoring her question, I opened the purse, scanning the sides for what I was looking for. Aha! There it is! A name tag.

As I read the letters printed on the side, I paled. Oh my god. _Oh my god._

In small, neat letters was printed the name, _Remus Lupin._

My eyes widened- wait if Alice was hypothetically the replacement for Remus Lupin, then-

I quickly threw off my robe and checked the tag inside. I felt the urge to laugh hysterically. In slanted, curved strokes, was printed ‘ _Lily Evans.’_

This couldn’t be happening. No. Not possible. I was probably jumping to conclusions, right? Right?!

To make sure that this was all a stupid, _shitty_ conclusion, I pulled the back of Alice’s robe to check her tag. Ignoring her spluttered protests, I read the name printed on her tag. My hand went limp. It still said Remus Lupin.

I buried my head in my hands.

“Um, Asmitta, what just happened?” Alice’s confused and mildly irritated voice broke through my oncoming mental breakdown.

I raised my head to give her a slightly hysterical grin.

“Hey, Alice, you may want to look at the nametag on your purse.”

She gave me a bemused look, but nonetheless looked inside. I watched as her face paled.

“ _No way.”_ She whispered, “It’s not true…right?” She trailed off at the end uncertainly.

“Yeah,” I breathed, “It’s true.” I handed her my robe, “and it gets worse.”

She read the tag. And she promptly dropped my robe.

“ _fuck_.” She whispered. _“we’re screwed.”_

I re-acquainted my head with my hands.

“Yes,” I heard myself say with a muffled voice, “we most certainly are.”

* * *

Right. So after Alice and I had our respective ‘oh fuck’ moments, I shrugged my robe back on. After that, Alice and I checked the other pieces of clothing we had on us, to see if they had any labels too.

After finding a small planner in one of my robe’s inside pockets, that had the name Lily Evans inside it - it was official. We had somehow _replaced_ Remus Lupin and Lily Evans. I wish we could deny it- but no. All the evidence pointed to this being our Freaky Friday moment. Except, in addition to being de-aged to the age of eleven years old, we _also_ ended up in a _goddamn book series_ and ended up replacing _canon_ -fucking-characters.

Wow. Putting it that way, this honestly sounds like a bad wish fulfilment fanfiction, written by (irony!) an eleven-year-old.

“ _Amanda Dirkwell”_

The girl looked like she was about to burst with the amount of sheer excitement on her face, as she hopped on the stool.

“ _Gryffindor!”_

The red and gold table burst into raucous cheers. Amanda hurried her way over with a pleased grin.

I scoffed. Must be nice not being displaced and shoved into a fictional book series. I watched dispassionately as two other children were sent to Hufflepuff and Slytherin respectively.

“ _Lily Evans”_

I gulped. Aw crap, it was my turn. I stalled for a few seconds, hoping that the _real_ Lily Evans would come forward. When nothing happened, I resigned myself.

Alice nudged me towards the hat. I shuffled to the stool and clenched my fingers as McGonagall placed the hat on my head.

Jesus Christ, how was this even legal? And really when you think about it, why the fuck would you sort kids into houses based on their personality when they’re eleven. They’re _eleven._ I was a complete dumbass when I was eleven.

And shit. I’m Lily Evans. What if I derail canon?

Oh shit. But even worse- what if I _don’t_ derail canon? I quite like living, thank you very much. And I’d rather not die at the ripe old age of 20-something, at the hands of a snake-man hybrid.

_Well, this is interesting_

JESUS CHRIST. WHAT THE FUCK. Some warning would’ve been nice, before an eons old hat started speaking in my fucking head.

The hat sounded amused

_Your mind is quite an interesting place. Your situation more so._

Wow. Nice to know the talking hat is amused by my dimensional displacement.

It chortles

_Welcome to this dimension, my dear Asmitta. Or should I say Lily?_

I glared.

_Now, now, there’s no need for that dear. I’m simply a Sorting Hat._

What house would I be in? Hufflepuff was definitely out, I’m lazy as hell. According to Pottermore I was a Slytherin but that would derail canon so freaking much and I feel like I’m going to hyperventilate- oh my god.

_There are infinite possibilities child, one mustn’t tie themselves down to a pre-ordained route. Instead take, the path not followed. Now, let’s see where to put you._

The Sorting Hat skimmed through my mind. It felt strange- a foreign presence.

_Hmm, a quick mind, intelligent but not one for hard work. Ah, loyalty doesn’t seem to mean much, neither does fair play and certainly not hardworking – not Hufflepuff. While cunning, not especially ambitious – not Slytherin either._

Well, I think I just got roasted by a mind-reading hat.

The hat carried on musing

_Hmm, Ravenclaw or Gryffindor- where to put you?_

Well, whatever I got, it certainly wouldn’t be Gryffindor. I have _way_ too much self-preservation for the house of reckless idiots.

_Oh, what do we have here? Quite the steadfast moral compass you have._

Wait what. This sounds like it’s headed into Gryffindor territory. Um, no. Gryffindor is definitely not me. Come on, dude – I am so not brave. I nearly pissed my pants when I figured out where we were.

The hat ignored me

_Where dwell the brave at heart, you belong in-_

_“GRYFFINDOR!”_

What. What the _fuck_.

I shakily handed the hat back to McGonagall and made my way to the cheering Gryffindor table. I stared beseechingly at Alice across the Hall.

She stared back helplessly.

So much for the 'path not followed.'

Oh god, remember when I said this was a bigger clusterfuck than I thought? Yeah, no. _Now_ it’s the biggest clusterfuck to ever happen in the goddamn multiverse.

We are _so_ completely, and utterly _fucked._


End file.
